Lovely

Take a deep breath. Tell yourself that today is going to be a good day. Yes, a very good day. Much better than yesterday. Today progress will be made. Climb out of bed and get dressed. T-shirt, jeans, belt. Good. Brush teeth, wash face, and shave. Perfect. Now tiptoe through the daisy yellow hallway and down the stairs. Remember to sidestep the seventh step, it creaks.  

Make breakfast. Pancakes. Who doesn’t love pancakes? Cover them with syrup. Just a little more and…there. Get a glass of juice, fresh squeezed. Put it all on a tray and carry it up…no wait! Get some forget-me-nots from the window box and put them in that little glass vase. You know the one. No, not the white one, that got broken yesterday. Yes, that’s the one. Place it opposite of the juice. Perfect! The flowers match her eyes. Such lovely eyes. She’ll love them. Now carry the tray upstairs.  

Open the door to the guest bedroom that’s spilling with daylight. Say good morning and ask how she slept. Then remember she can’t answer you with a gag in her mouth. Silly you. Set down the tray on the bedside table and sit at the edge of the bed. Brush a stray lock of hair with sun caught in it behind her ear and smile. Lovely. So lovely that you knew the very moment you saw her that you had to have her.  

Ask her if she’s going to behave today. Remove the gag once she nods. Tell her that if she can be your good girl you’ll untie her. Hide your smile when she tells you that she will, because you know in a few minutes that she’ll try to run. She always does, but the chase is part of your fun. First the feet and then the hands. Notice the chafe marks on her wrists, skin rubbed raw and starting to ooze a translucent pink liquid. Push aside your guilt; they’ll heal once she stops insisting on breaking your rules.  

Catch yourself against the wall as you stumble back from her heel colliding into your jaw. You love how much fight she has in her. Watch as she staggers with stiff limbs out through the bedroom door, fast enough that the skirt of her floral sundress whirls like it’s caught in the wind. Just lovely. Now count to ten. It’s only fair to give her a little head start. Glance at the fractured glass and pale blue flowers scattered across the floor with a frown and make a mental note to start putting the breakfast tray on the dresser from now on. Ok, times up.  

Follow her down the gravel driveway that’s lined with dogwood trees and their fallen petals. Grab her arm once you’ve caught up. Ignore the screams and all the tears and throw her over your shoulder. Don’t mind as her fists beat against the length of your spine. Love taps, tell yourself they’re just love taps. After you ascend the stairs, use the ropes to tie her back up to the bedposts. Make sure the binds are tight now, you don’t want her to get loose and use those sharp fingernails again. You really should trim them for her. Place the gag back in her mouth when her screams don’t stop. Once she’s settled down a bit, scold her for her disobedience. Oh, but who are you kidding, you can’t even pretend to be upset with her. Lean forward and gently kiss her forehead. Quickly now, before she jerks away. Yes, so much fight. With a smile tell her that it’s all right and that tomorrow will be better. Yes, tomorrow will be a good day. A very good day