Why Is Growing Up So Hard?

     In Ruel’s song “Growing Up is ___,” he fills in the blank with the words “strange” and “weird” and I’ve never believed a songwriter more. As I’ve been experiencing my last firsts during my senior year of college, it dawned on me that I’ll finally be an adult. Not a fake adult where I can sleep in until noon and struggle with choosing to pay for a latte and next month’s wifi bill, knowing my parents will slip some money into my bank account regardless. An ACTUAL adult. 

     In middle school, I thought as soon as they handed you your high school diploma, infinite knowledge was passed onto you where you instantly matured. That was a lie. Much like the lie I was supposed to believe about how growing up was the coolest thing in the world. Schooling inaccurately prepares you for what will happen. Here are a few things I wasn’t prepared for as I grew up: 

1.      Nobody told me about the concerns I’d have as an adult. When I’d leave the adults to talk at a party, I always thought they talked about taxes, groceries, and their jobs. While that’s semi-truthful, I thought the monsters under my bed would be the worst it could get. As a kid, I thought I would be sleeping peacefully in a king-sized bed, all my worries cast aside. No one told me I should be prepared to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, realizing I hadn’t yet made a LinkedIn account. I thought I could stay up late and eat as much junk food as I wanted. Turns out, I’m staying up late overthinking about why I ate that bag of Dot’s Pretzels and while it’s cheap, it’s high in sodium which could cause heart disease. It’s expensive to buy a gym membership because if I did pay for one, I’d only have enough money left to buy Dot’s Pretzels. 

2.      Nobody knows what the hell they are doing. I’d heard when it comes to confidence to “fake it till you make it” and boy, are adults good at faking it! With all I learned in school, as soon as I got to college, I realized how little I actually knew. It’s been nearly five years since I learned imaginary numbers in Algebra 2 (that’s already a bogus concept to me) and haven’t used it a day. I wish I had learned how to manage a work-life balance, how to pick good furniture that will last through college parties, and how to schedule doctor appointments and oil checks into your already busy schedule. The closest life course you can get is Home Ec where all I was taught was how to make salsa and veggie pizza. I may not have chairs at my house because I’ve been working overtime, but I can whip up some delicious appetizers. 

3.      You are on your own for everything. I can’t lie, having independence in college is one of the greatest things ever. I can have game nights in the middle of the week, go to my favorite restaurants and stores whenever I want, and I get to live with my friends which feels like a 24/7 sleepover. It’s all you dream of as a kid. However, I don’t like to be on my own for the adult responsibilities. What do you mean I have to call the dentist and schedule my cavity filling? You’re saying I have to pay for gas AND electric? They don’t just file into one category when I pay utilities? I find myself googling if I need baking powder and baking soda to make a cake for my friend and if I can wash my floors with a wet Swiffer without leaving water marks so I don’t have extensive damage when my lease ends.

4.      You’ll turn into your parents more than you think. While my facial features and parts of my personality match my parents (my bright red hair makes me look like I’m adopted), I’ve realized the way I go about my day has drawn from observing my parents. For example, I will lose it if my fridge is out of order. My fruits and veggies have to be in this specific order and if the cheese is not in the same drawer as the lunch meat, I will spend a half hour fixing it. I should be going out to parties and having crazy wild nights people rave about in college movies. Honestly, I’m broke and and after a long week of work, crashing on my couch with a lit candle and fuzzy blanket sounds heavenly. At least, I don’t fall asleep with a remote in hand, snoring like my dad. 

     Growing up isn’t just maturing and going through school to get a degree. It’s going through the motions and trying to figure out how to live. I thought I’d grown up when I graduated high school and it’s coming back around now as I have one semester left. My cousins and older friends have said post-grad life is still them navigating being adult. Knowing it’ll all work out is a source of comfort for me… along with knowing Mom’s just a phone call away to help me schedule appointments and send me a bag of Dot’s Pretzels so I can save money.